Been with your husband or wife or significant other so long now
Wednesday, February 5, 2014that it's difficult to think of gifts to give each other on special occasions? I have some suggestions, appropriate for people our age:
- A new toilet. Four inches higher than a standard toilet. That's what Melba and I gave each other for our 53rd anniversary of the day we met -- just yesterday.
- Biotene mouth rinse. Taking our daily meds causes dry mouths, which can can contribute to losing teeth. Biotene is the best I've found for dealing with dry mouth. Also comes in toothpaste and -- well, something else. Started using it several years ago -- earlier than 2008 for sure. Long before I ever saw it advertised. It's not for bad breath. Remember the Scope commercial where the guy says, "Boss, I gotta tell you. You have bad breath." Or approximately that. I actually said that to my boss -- he didn't have bad breath at all. I was kidding him. He hadn't seen the commercial, so I sorta felt like an fool after I did it. So what's new?
- Toys for boys|girls. I gifted myself with a new laptop just yesterday. After I picked it out, the sales guy said, "It will really scream." Did I need a new laptop? Of course not. Do we need super-chargers for our cars? Of course not. We don't need the power, but we want the power. No matter how old we are. Girls? How about a Monster High doll or a jump rope? What the heck. I'm not a girl; what do I know?
Any suggestions for me? Other than, "Shove it, Mike," that is.
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Took a pizza back to Sam's Club Monday to get my money back. I had managed to leave it in my oven for five hours Saturday night. Told the woman at the return desk that it was "defective." When I turned the box over so she could see what I was bringing back, she said something like, "Really? Are you serious?" I told her no, of course not, that I was just kidding. Know what she said then? . . .
No, not "Shove it." She said, "Do you have a receipt? Maybe we could replace it." Yeah, that's really what she said. Sam's and WalMart may not have very good customer service, but they're the best I've found when it comes to returns. When I go to either store, it's often just to have a place to walk inside in cold weather. In the middle of the night at WalMart. Nobody there except me, people stocking shelves, and one cashier. I rush through to keep from being gone from home too long. Pick up lots of things I think I might find useful, without giving the purchases much thought. Speed is of the essence. When I get home, I either find that I already have one (or more) or decide, say, "No, using a derm-abrasion product on Melba wouldn't be such a hot idea." We older folks are literally thin-skinned. As many skin cells as ever. They just don't hold moisture -- or whatever it is that "fluffs" them.
When was the last time you drove over 100 miles an hour? For me it was September. The Volkswagen Passat I rented had a speedometer that went up to 160 mph. I told Evan, the rental guy, "When I get back, I'll tell you if it will really go 160." Wasn't at all surprised when it didn't. It topped out at 115 mph. You don't really need a key to get into the trunk from the back seat either. Just push on the plastic in front of the slot and the chamber will pop open. Learned that after waiting six hours at my cousin's in Dallas for the right locksmith|tow truck to be sent to get to keys locked in the trunk. And after belatedly being told that the car had to be towed to a dealership to get the trunk open. Nope.
Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think. Remember the song? Not having much fun? Make your own fun while you still can. Soon enough you won't be able to, no matter what. When I mentioned the name of one of the girls in our class, one of the boys said he had dated her. "Really? I didn't know that. When?" "Recently." "How recently"? "Oh, maybe ten months ago. . . . Well, we didn't really date each other, but we kept running into each other and. . . ." Being a bit skeptical about that, I asked the girl. She had all but forgotten about them dating. Ever. So, make up your own memories. I've found that I remember a lot of things that no one else remembers. Did I really remember? Or did I make something up without knowing that's what I was doing? Could be. Mark Twain: Hurry up and come to visit me before we get too old to hear each other swear. Machiavellean's Variation: Hurry up and come to visit me before we get too old to hear each other swear. -- Mark Twain aka. . .
Did you know that one National Debt Clock shows the national debt clock at >$17,987 billion? It's later than you think.
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